If loneliness is the tax on ambitions
And boredom is the prices to be paid on the road to success
After a long day at work, I got the chance to tune in Prof. Scott Galloway podcast about young people.
He talked about a variety of topics on the show, mostly regarding what young people should do to live a successful & happy life.
That and why young American are unhappy, which is the more interesting bit (in my opinions).
There are some quotes from the show that gave me quite the thinking:
“Go to big cities, with big ambitions and whirlwind pushing your back. When you are 20s, you aren’t really tied down by anything. By 30s, you get a wife, a dog and changing isn’t so easy anymore. Workshop around a few things, then find out what you are good at, then all-in on it.“
His point is that time and geographical mobility, are the few of great assets you have to utilized in your 20s.
“Get out more” he said, “and go to big cities.”
To elaborate on why, he reasons that the best environment for growth is where there are flow.
This is defined as an influx of talented individual, and ampleness of opportunities stemming from a growing economy.
You will achieve more as a mediocre employee at Google in Santa Barbara than a top performer at General Electric somewhere Midwest in the last 20 years, because while the prior is a young growing business in the heart of silicon valley, the latter offer little more headroom for moving up.
One of the final point he made was that “It is the boring stuffs that make you rich”.
My take on it: you can’t be successful without first eating some dirt. The more ambitious you are the bigger the dirt pile.
And then there are also lots more content in this episode (how to network, building wealth…) - it’s a fascinating one that you should take a listen.
But I guess my qualms, after listening, are that despite of my ambitions, I’m going in the opposite directions of growth (seemingly).
Ironically, because at the point of decision-making, I was so sure the decision of going to New Zealand is the one that is best for growth.
A great opportunity for an international career in a country with good macros: high GDP per capita, high HDI (to measure quality of lives), high workplace diversity, good social benefits: a clear pathway to residency - the gateway for me to the rest of the world.
And I had already lived there for half a year, a big plus to adaptability.
But now reflecting back, I left my life from a bustling, ambitious city to a much quieter metropolis. Developed, yes, but a much slower pace of life.
There are no disruptive growth to be found in a market that is much less dynamic versus Vietnam, with smaller headroom for growth and competitions.
While back in Vietnam you could expect to deliver big bold targets, there is not much you could do here with a consumer base of only 5 millions (and potentially losing due to net migration loss).
Consistent incremental growth is the name of the game in a mature market. And that is the boring parts.
Also I thought my previous time here was long enough to decide that this is best fit for me. Turns out, despite my best judgements, I still made a choice that goes against my expectations.
Lots of online researches and inducing from past experiences can’t beat the reality of living here, which can always be changed depending on which lenses you use - a tourist or a long-term immigrant.
In accepting the hard truth so, I thought at least I could be less stressful at work and put my ambitions on a rest.
Yet I still have to paid the ambitions taxes anyway.
While I should be more excited for this new job enviable by some (a bigger scope, more high visibility roles), somehow most of my feelings these days are negative.
Commonly, the stress, the doubts, and the tiredness to name a few. Even though the job itself is not that hard, these are caused from being unengaged.
You thought too much workload is an issue?
Try having under workload with murky deadlines that could always be pushed back.
There are days when I felt bored out of my mind whilst doing work. Because I know finishing them early, doesn’t really change a whole lot, and I almost missed the sense of urgency I got in Vietnam.
I worked until 11pm then, but I got colleagues who would stay up alongside me. Now I am the last person to leave the office at 6 - the fighting spirit is not there anymore.
And the job consists 80% of the menial bits that I know will one day lead to diamonds, but still really suck having to tread through.
On some day, I experienced a mild case of brain dead, either going straight to sleep after coming home as or doom scrolling in the evening as I didn’t have much energy for anything else.
I have used up all the energy reserves, yet not completely satisfied with my productivity.
And that’s not to mentioned when the loneliness that starts to creep in - the worse kind that you feel when there are people around, but you just can’t seem to fit in.
I thought my English was good, but I was far from being a native.
I can speak the tongues but I can’t speak their cultures.
I don’t like the same things that they like, laugh at the same thing that they laugh at. A rugby match is not something I tune in on the weekends. Going fishing and talking about big games are not stuffs that I could casually chat about.
The boredom and loneliness are taxes, because while you know you have to pay them eventually, it still feels really shitty in doing so.
Knowing the tradeoffs beforehand does not make the experiences of going through them any easier.
But conversely, because you already know that it will be good for you in the long run, you will learn to take it a step as a time. Because you don’t need to rush.
And eventually you will make it to the good bits.
So instead of finding a magical panacea that fixes everything, I learn to takes thing in manageable bite-size.
And learn to swallow the bitter pills with water: finding the happiness in the smaller things in life, such as enjoying a funny convo with an Italian colleague who sound like a New Yorker or writing a good blog, cooking a good meal every once in a while.…
This is where I disagree with Prof. Galloway
Because to grow, maybe it isn’t about hyper-fixating on it, and it isn’t about always trying to get in the fastest growing, cream-of-the-top environment to be in.
For once, it’s about the serendipity of a new discovery along the way. To find the niche that best suit you even in the area where not normally considered high potential.
In my case, it is New Zealand, a coincidental choice as part of my job assignment - where I fell in love with the nature and people,
This land taught me so much as a person, of who I am and what I values, through the adventuring lives that fill my heart with joy. Growth doesn’t always have to be through boredom and the uncomfortable.
Two, not everyone can climb Mt. Everest, not everyone needs to.
The answer for growth is the one that you found within yourself. It’s about understanding yourself and to figure out what works best, given the circumstances.
And you move faster by being near the community that supports it.
Where would you thrive in? Given your values, beliefs and those who shared the same.
Because after all my best guessing attempts, I can’t tell if a particular job or destination is going to be the best fit for me.
Even I’m changing as time gone by, as I experienced more.
I know, the only way to know exactly how it would end, is just to ride it out. With a mindset of a scientist - treating this as just another experimentations.
Because the only path to truly move forward is by seeing the committed choice through, no matter the results.
Cheers,
Nguyen (Daniel)